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Parenting Girls – 10 Things You Need to Know


ABC Radio Melbourne presenter Clare Bowditch talked to Steve Biddulph AM, Australian author, activist and psychologist about his new book on parenting and raising girls. This is an edited transcript of the interview.

10 Things Girls Need MostClare Bowditch: There are many things in life that we spend lots of time worrying about, but for those of you who have children I am assuming that you’re something like me and you spend a fair bit of your time wondering “How do I give these kids what they need in order to become the kind of adults that I know they can be?” It’s a question educators like Steve Biddulph have been asking for some decades now. You might know him as the author behind the million selling book, Raising Boys. He’s now turned his attention once again to the mental health of our girls. His belief is that perhaps they’re growing up too fast in these times. What can we do to support them in their growth and what are the 10 things, according to Steve Biddulph, that girls need most? That’s the title of his new book. …

Steve you have a lovely way of being able to simplify this complicated process called growing up. Now, you’ve been guiding parents through the process of supporting their kids in their quest to adulthood for many decades now. What have you noticed changing particularly in the life of girls?

Steve Biddulph: Okay, well it used to be Clare that girls were going great. 20 years ago they were flying ahead and that’s why I concentrated on boys for nearly 35 years because boys were the disaster area. But about 10 years ago my colleagues all around the world were picking up this really serious downturn in the mental health of girls. I had a teenage daughter in those times and I saw what she was going through and what her friends were going through and girls were just getting hammered. We just got more and more alarmed and so this new book is because I thought we needed some stronger medicine to give parents to help girls regain self-belief. All the things feminism was working for which seem to have gone out the window just lately.

CB: I think there is a new and interesting way of coming through but what you’re saying is girls were suffering. What was the evidence of this? What were you seeing Steve? How are they showing their suffering?

SB: The clearest cut and probably the core thing was anxiety. Now there may be people listening who’ve got daughters who are relaxed and confident and spirited into their mid teens. They may have loyal friends and are treated respectfully by the boys in their lives and that’s fantastic if that’s the case but for about two girls out of five, that’s just not so. They’re massively anxious and currently across the western world one in five teenage girls is on anxiety medication. They’ve reached a point where mum or dad have taken them to their doctor because it’s that’s scary and severe. Anxiety then drives the other things like self-harm and eating disorders and alcohol overuse and risky sex … but anxiety, we think, is the core.

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Understanding cyberspace

Parents must learn the language and culture of young people online before having meaningful conversations with their children about it.

So says clinical psychologist Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, who told Firbank Grammar’s Social Media 101 information night that parents must help teenagers with immature brains navigate social media.

Dr Carr-Gregg talks about the impact of social media on teenage girls

Dr Carr-Gregg said a technology-free dinner time was the perfect way to talk and bond. Research showed that children who had this were more likely to do better at school and resist illicit drugs.

“The research is crystal clear and yet we have a decline in the number of families who are actually managing to do this,” he says.

While there was no firm evidence that their time online was affecting kids’ language skills or turning them into “sociopathic monsters”, Dr Carr-Gregg said it was important for parents to regulate use.

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A Parents Guide to Steroids

Gym Weights

Steroids and other performance and image-enhancing drugs (PIEDs) have long been associated with elite sportspeople desperate for an edge. PIEDs are used by people of all skill levels and ages, whether they want to boost their sporting performance or simply build muscle mass.

Among the most notorious cases was champion cyclist Lance Armstrong, who was stripped of seven Tour de France wins after admitting he took EPO (erythropoietin), which regulates red blood cell production.

PIED use is not common and in some cases, steroids are used legitimately to treat medical conditions such as osteoporosis. But if used privately and without professional supervision they can have health implications.

Steroids may be injected intramuscularly, taken orally or rubbed on the skin as a cream. Two per cent of Australian high-school students aged 12 to 17 say they have used steroids without a doctor’s prescription, with boys (2.4 per cent) slightly more likely than girls (1.5 per cent) to have tried them.

Among the 1 per cent of students who tried steroids in the year before the 2011 survey, use was infrequent. Read more

We’re in this together

Firbank Panel Night

Parent Guides Panel Night at Firbank for Drugs 101

Our aim at Firbank is to help students develop the confidence, courage and skills they need to make their mark in their own world and in the world they will enter.

Firbank is a school where students not only aspire, but they ‘do’. It is the place where students, particularly adolescents, form the beliefs and values that will set them up for their life journey. Our school values of courage, respect, compassion, curiosity and integrity are key. But we have to live those values. And many of those values are pertinent to the issue tackled in Drugs 101. Read more

What do you do if your kids are drinking or doing drugs?

Rene de Sant'Anna - Odyssey House

Rene de Sant’Anna – Odyssey House

My core business is working with young people who are using substances and helping them to cut down or get off those substances. I’ve been working in this field for 22 years and the main substances kids use are the same – alcohol and cannabis. They may hav tried LSD, mushrooms, eccies (ecstasy) or cocaine, but their staple drug is usually cannabis or alcohol. Usually their parents refer them to me, and a young person is reluctant because they don’t see a problem – then we need to get that young person to a point where they also see their substance use is a problem.

People use drugs because they change the way they feel. The first time a young person uses they’ll have positive feelings and then they come back down to normal. So they use that drug again and then again because it feels good. Then something happens that wouldn’t have happened if they weren’t under the influence of that substance. Maybe a child misses school because they’re going to a friend’s house to smoke or drink, or they’re out late and the police bring them home, or they drink too much in the park, throw up and need an ambulance, or they can’t be bothered to go to football or netball. Read more

A Parents Guide to Hallucinogens

By Cheryl Critchley

Drugs 101 MushroomsHallucinogens, such as LSD, were popular with young people during the 1960s and 1970s “flower power” era. While many more drugs have been developed since, LSD is still available in Australia.

Hallucinogen use among young people is relatively uncommon; about 3 per cent of Australian high-school students report having tried them.

Also known as “psychedelics”, hallucinogens can make you see, hear, smell, feel or taste things that aren’t really there or are different from reality, hence the word hallucinate. LSD (Lysergic acid diethylamide) is made in a laboratory and in its pure state is a white odourless powder.

It usually comes in squares of gelatine or blotting paper that have been dipped or soaked in LSD and is sometimes sold as a liquid, in a tablet or capsules. LSD is usually swallowed, but it can also be sniffed, injected or smoked. Some plants, such as magic mushrooms, can cause similar hallucinations to chemically produced hallucinogens. Read more

A Parents Guide to Cocaine

By Cheryl Critchley

Drugs 101 CocaineCocaine has a reputation as the drug of choice for celebrities, but its effects can be far from glamorous.

Cocaine can be dangerous if taken in high doses or contaminated by other substances.

Snorting cocaine regularly can cause a runny nose and nosebleeds, infection of the nasal membranes, perforation of the septum and long-term damage to the nasal cavity and sinuses.

Only 1.7 per cent of Australian high-school students surveyed in the 2011 Australian secondary students’ survey had used cocaine, and only 1 per cent had used it in the past month.

These levels have also fallen significantly since 2005, when almost 3 per cent of 12 to 17-year-olds had tried it. Read more

I’m not trying to be popular, I’m trying to be a parent

Teens Drinking

Image is for illustrative purposes.

Sarah*, 42, has two children. Megan* is 16 and Matthew* is 14. They have both gone to parties where alcohol and drugs are present.

My mum often tells me that she’s so glad she doesn’t have to be a parent to teenagers now. She says it’s so much more complicated these days because of Facebook, texting, drugs and drink. There are so many more opportunities for kids to go down the wrong path and I think mum’s right.

Being a parent to teenagers is stressful and it can be so hard to keep up to date with who their friends are, where they’re going after school or at the weekend, who they’re spending time with, whose party they are going to and who else will be at that party. Read more

No such thing as safe drug-taking for kids

Prof George Braitberg  Royal Melbourne Hospital trauma ward

Prof George Braitberg Royal Melbourne Hospital trauma ward

I’ve looked after a patient of 14 or 15 who had one of the highest blood alcohol levels I’ve seen – he was 0.5 – 10 times the legal limit for driving. When he arrived at hospital he was unconscious and needed a couple of days in ICU attached to a ventilator.

I think the age at which young people begin experimenting with drugs has dropped, and that started with the advent of pills, such as ecstasy, when kids were looking to supplement the pleasurable experience at rave parties. Young people don’t want to take anything that involves a needle, so the proliferation of pills has made drugs more accessible for them. But these pills are not safe. They’re not made by pharmacists and usually have contaminants – other drugs and bulking agents such as starch that may create a reaction. Read more

A Parents Guide to Ecstasy

Teenage Girl Buying Drugs On The Street From Dealer

Used for illustrative purposes only, the person depicted in this image is a model.

Ecstasy is relatively easily obtained on the street or at parties and raves; tablets can cost as little as $20 each.

Unlike the 1970s and 1980s, when some of today’s parents were teenagers and illicit drugs were deep underground, today’s teens need only attend a music event or ask around to find ecstasy and other drugs. They can also use underground websites that sell illegal substances of all kinds.

Ecstasy is usually swallowed as a pill. The pills come in different colours and sizes and are often imprinted with a picture or symbol.

Ecstasy is a stimulant containing the drug MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine). However, many pills sold as ecstasy only have a small amount of MDMA or none at all. Read more

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